Now I know there is a smart-ass gene

Driving home from errands today with Chris in the car. He had valiantly volunteered to accompany me to to the store. Of course, this trip was somehow coupled with a quick (extorted) detour to Game Stop, but still.

I will take the company of my teenage son even if I have to pay for it.

Cruising up the road to the house, I started griping about the road and how the dump trucks going back and forth for construction have completely ruined it. There were potholes everywhere.

What follows is as true a transcription as I can conjure after a much needed beer:

Me: <griping about the potholes>

Chris: They don't bother me really.

Me: Well, they don't bother me either. I mean like, as a person. It's the car I'm worried about!

Chris: What's wrong with the car?

Me: Well, nothing yet. But the alignment is going to hell.

Chris: What's an alignment?

Me: <thinking> Okay, well take a bike, for instance....

Chris: You mean, like steal? Because that is wrong. Are you suggesting I steal a bike for your example?

Me: Well, no, I meant....

Chris: Well, good. Because if you are encouraging me to steal, I'd have to report you.

Me: Okay, crap. Well, IMAGINE you have a bike...

Chris: Is this the same bike I just stole? Or did I buy it? And what color is it?

Me: Uh, you bought it and it's green. Kind of like the one you always wanted as a child but I never bought you.

Chris: Well, I don't like green. I'm glad you never bought it. Can my imaginary bike be blue?

Me: Anyway, so the bike has handlebars that steer the bike wheel, right. And when the handlebars go kittywampus you can't steer. So it's like a car. The two wheels in the front steer the car and the steering wheel controls that.

Chris: So our car has three wheels? Or five, really? And who the hell says ‘kittywampus’ anymore?

Me: Sigh.

Chris: No, please. Go on. This is interesting.

Me: Well, car hits pothole, alignment goes to hell, you fight the steering, can't brake properly, tires wear faster, and gas mileage goes to hell.

Chris: So, how is that like the bike?

Me: Forget the bike.

Chris: But I just bought it!

Me: Forget the bike. You don't need it.

Chris: Good, because I have you to drive me everywhere.

Me: .....